Real loneliness is not necessarily limited to when you are alone.
Beer: Its not just for breakfast anymore.
If you are living your life without giving an f, You are living a li[ ]e.
Dont be irreplaceable; if you cant be replaced, you cant be promoted.
It’s funny how head and shoulders becomes: head, shoulders, knees and toes, when I run out of body wash!
Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand.
I want kids. I have chores to assign.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don’t want people to recognize me when I’m pooping.
I bet our entire universe is just tiny glass jar placed neatly on a shelf in an alien child’s room as a science project he got a C- on
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Good people are like candles; they burn themselves up to give others light.
You are a function of what the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is a function of what the whole ocean is doing.
What is to give light must first endure burning.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
I’m halfway sure Hell consists of an empty room, your family, and a table with Monopoly on it.